just a rambling free stream of consciousness type thing.
the worst part about being sad for a long period of time is that you become so enveloped in your sadness that you slowly begin to talk and laugh less and less until you are only the shell of the person you used to be, and you feel like such a burden to everyone around you that you sincerely believe you no longer hold any significance. you lay in bed at three in the morning and realize that you sit among friends, laughing and smiling, but only half heartily. you realize that no matter where you go, or who you are with, you don’t contribute any special presence. you are always just there.
you sparked my interest the moment our eyes first met, and everything since then only fanned the flames. i acted against my better judgement and proceeded to mold myself into you and seep into your skin. what i found within you was not always pleasant. i knew i should run from you as fast as i could. i knew i should hate you for all the things you’ve done. the trouble is, when I look into your eyes I see broken shards of my reflection staring right back at me. it’s hard to hate someone once you understand them.
I am in need of new people in my life.
Everyone around me has gotten so predictable and stale.
I miss that stage in friendship when the two of you first begin to peal each others layers of pretenses off. You slowly give parts of yourself to one another; parts that you will spend nights trying to fit together like a puzzle. The joy in discovering that someone else shares your interests and beliefs and wants to be around you. The joy in not having to fake a smile to predicted comments and actions. The infinite interest that a whimsical person can bring.
I bought my dad one of his favorite beverages because I saw it at the store and thought of him. When I gave it to him he was really surprised. I found that to be very sad.
I can’t fall asleep or wake up alone
not after knowing what I am missing out on.
I would give almost anything
to fall asleep to your heartbeat
and wake to your unconscious embrace.
Either of you would do.
But you don’t want me.
And you have her.
sex doesn’t ruin friendship
twats who can’t handle seeing the person after the fact and decide to act intangible and then blame it on the other do.
you wished i would write about you sometime in my little black book of little black poems, but i won’t. there is nothing poetically destructive about us. there is only destruction.
thank you for taking away the only remaining thing that was keeping me relatively balanced.
i wish you hadn’t found me that night at the train station. i would have left it all behind.